Martial Arts Village

Two Aussies, Rosso and Merrick, were adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Rosso stumbled across an old lamp. He rubbed the lamp vigorously and a genie came forth. This genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Rosso blurted out," Make the entire ocean into Victoria Bitter!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the "hard earned thirst" quencher. The genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Merrick looked disgustedly at Rosso whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment Merrick said: "Nice going Rosso! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat."

or ...

 
Aussie guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! You must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the Aussie guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Struth! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Sure", says the Aussie guy, "my wife."

or ...

 
There's a Aussie, an Kiwi and a beautiful woman sitting next to  each other on a train. The train goes through a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Kiwi are sitting there looking perplexed. The Aussie is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap. He is thinking "That the Kiwi must have tried to kiss this lady, she thought it was me and slapped me." The lady is thinking, "That Aussie must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Kiwi instead and got slapped." The Kiwi is thinking to himself..."If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that bloody Aussie in the head again."

and my favourite ...

 
An Australian school teacher explains to her class that she is a Wallabies fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Wallabies fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Wallabies fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Wallabies fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I am a All Blacks fan, and proud of it," Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, why pray tell are you an All Blacks fan?" "Because my mum is a All Blacks fan, and my dad is All Blacks fan, so I'm a All Blacks fan too!" "Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, "That is no reason for you to be a All Blacks fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom were a moron and your dad were a moron, what would you be then?" "Then," Janie smiled, "I'd be a Wallabies fan."

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Thanks for that guys,

I still have some time so maybe i can get them to mount the stone guard as far back as possible.

On a side issue are you happy with the Aussie Swag?

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Im really sure lots of you are like jokes.

Why not share here your favorite jokes so others can know about it

Below is my favorite joke which is Needles Are Not Nice

Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.
"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.
"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.
"So? Are you afraid?"
"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.
Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?"
To which Bob replied, "I came for a urine test"

Bob was very stupid, thinking his vital will be cut for a urine test